It’s amazing how many people will argue so passionately against intelligent design when it comes to the evolution of a species but so many still refuse to recognize the same process at work in language. Contrary to popular opinion, there is almost no intelligent design behind the modern English language. It evolved into its current state through a series of mistakes, misquotes, and mispronunciations over the centuries and continues to change every time it’s written and spoken.
Some grammatical rules are so nonsensical that one has to wonder how they were arrived at in the first place. Splitting an infinitive, for instance, is a vestigial Latin rule that has no basis in English. Why does it exist and why does it continue to be taught and upheld by some as more than a stylistic preference? English has evolved beyond this silly rule, yet language traditionalists (or “creationists” believing in a grand design) continue to stem the tide.
The same is true for the phrase “begs the question.” This is a personal favorite. I’m forever perplexed by those who take pride in pointing out whenever someone uses the phrase incorrectly: With some rather grandiose flair, they’ll say that this tired cliché does not mean “raises the question” and so should not be used in place of it. These people, annoying as they all may be, are technically correct. In its original definition as coined five centuries ago, “begs the question” means to assume something is true based on nothing more than your own opinion. In other words, if you say jazz music is worthless because you never listen to it, then you’re “begging the question” regarding jazz since there’s no connection between its worth and whether or not you listen to it. However, when people point out this definition, I have to ask them the last time they used the word “begs” in this arcane manner that means “to assume improperly.” In fact, my feeling is if you don’t use this obscure definition of the word “begs” at any other time, then you don’t have permission to criticize people for using “begs the question” in the modern sense. Indeed, using it to mean “raises the question” is its new definition. What you’re witnessing is the evolution of the English language. It’s not wrong and it’s not a sin against the god who created it, but it’s the way language has always adapted to new environments and new uses. Even my joking use of the word “Nazism” in the opening paragraph reflects the way the term has come to mean one who is fanatically dedicated to controlling a specific activity or practice. Words fall in and out of favor; old phrases are recycled and redefined for the modern era. It happens all the time.
Language is an art form like any other, held together by a basic set of rules that will always be in a state of flux. Dragging out dead or dying definitions and insisting language remain unchanged flies in the face of its own nature and denies its evolutionary pedigree.
I saw the documentary Food, Inc. about a month ago. Definitely a must see film for anyone who eats mass produced food in the United States. And while it made vegetarian friends glad they didn’t eat meat, it made me want to go off food entirely. Health care needs a major overhaul and so does the food manufacturing process—two things incontrovertibly linked. It’s simple: awful food equals awful health.
However, the most surprising part was when it was revealed that a company could trademark a specific strain of corn that they had developed. Although this makes perfect sense on paper, in the real world, the wind is rather indescriminant about where it spreads seed. So if your neighbor is growing a trademarked strain of corn and it happens to blow onto your farmland, where it mixes with your untrademarked strain, you suddenly become liable for illegally growing trademarked corn. How can you police mother nature in this instance? The result is a farmer who had no control over what happened being sued, and if he can’t afford the legal fees like most farmers, he has to either sell out or go out of business. Wonderful! Who says the system is broken?
I’m not sure what the solution is here, but please don’t buy all the organic food hype the hippies are selling. It’s mostly a gimmick that ends up costing farmers more money in order to have their crops officially labeled “organic” and affixed with certain seals/certifications.
Jesse Ventura, former wrestler and governor of Minnesota, hosts a new series for the horrendously misinformed called Conspiracy Theory. In the promo he says, “I’ve been on the inside and now I’m ready to talk.”
That’s an odd twist. Now that he’s out of office, and can’t do anything about anything (though how much the governor of Minnesota could do in the first place is open to question), he’s ready to talk? And talk about what exactly? How long it took his state to put Senator Franken in office? Or the time he stumbled across a manila folder labeled “Classified State Secrets”?
Italian songwriter Adriano Celentano shows us what an American pop song sounds like to non-speakers by performing a fantastic song in English-sounding gibberish. This is brilliant in every conceivable sense of the word. Follow along with the lyrics.
Why don’t they call Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern what it really is: Fat Sweaty Man Eats Moist Food While Microphoned. *shudder* He could be eating a cheeseburger it would still be just as revolting. I’m almost positive watching this a recognized form of torture in Malaysia and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. And, let’s be honest, they could feed this creature anything and he would find it appetizing:
Villager: This? This is a steaming pile of dog shit served in a bed pan.
Zimmern: Fascinating. What do you use to season it?
Villager: Whatever the dog has recently eaten.
Zimmern (to camera): What I love about this is the texture and the nuttiness...
Villager (to interpreter): This is one fucked up American slob. And why is he sweating so damn much? Can’t he stop sweating? I thought the dog shit was disgusting on its own, but then I started watching this moleman tunnel through it like it were the grounds of a POW camp and I can’t believe my eyes.
For anyone who still isn’t familiar with this, I give you The Andy Rooney Game wherein you take the first and last line of his weekly and nonsensical 60 Minutes segment and edit them together into one brilliant thought.
In fact, adding the phrase “in my pants” to the end of any sentence will work as a great failed pick-up line. It’s like that old gag about adding “in bed” to any fortune cookie fortune, only better: “Good health will be yours for a long time...in my pants.”
The Dark Knight was good for a movie that didn’t make much sense. Finally, someone has pointed out some of the plot holes in an easy to follow rap video featuring a pretty good Michael Caine impression. Certainly the best I’ve seen spit rhymes.
I don’t mind people who talk to god. It’s the ones who say he talks back that bother me. That’s an old joke, but I can’t remember who came up with it. (Moses? Hitchens?)
Maybe I’m just jealous of these people. The only thing a burning bush has ever told me is that it was time to see a doctor.
A fourth video made for one of my Poetry Meets Music tracks in astounding widescreen format (some clever filmmakers out there should grab these and make more interesting videos for them):
Does this still count? Why am I even posting every single day? I can probably count the number of people out there reading this on my elbow. (Hi, mom.) But it’s become more like a personal challenge now to see if I can keep it going. Judging from my past posting history, we may be in for an early defeat, but that’s a negativistic view. And what would the world be like without me believing I had made up a word only to discover it actually exists? You learn, I learn, and the world is just an iota better for it. How utterly cromulent.
Dan Savage’s comments about Obama’s track record on gay rights in this video hit the nail right on the head. And sadly, nearly the same could be said for Obama’s stance on health care and the war—all things I considered when casting my vote last year. No one expects things to be fixed overnight, but if “hope” and “change” were the actual agenda, then things aren’t looking too good for our hero.
“You can look at me as a movie star or you can wipe that shit outta your head and think, ‘Steven Seagal can save my life’ because that’s why I’m here.”
Sometimes, you have to bow down to the TV gods and thank them for things like Steven Seagal Lawman. This interview with Seagal might help explain why this show is worth watching. Hell, even Howard Stern is a fan.
I can only hope A&E eventually gives us a Dog The Bounty Hunter and Steven Seagal crossover episode. These two minds must meet.
Someone please explain to me how a man who’s essentially been on the run for over three decades gets bail. Aren’t there some trust issues here? I guess the trick is to make a movie with Jack Nicholson first and then sodomize a 13 year-old in his home, not the other way around.
But at least the entertainment industry hasn’t been giving him awards left and right since he fled the country, and it’s not as though he was arrested on his way to yet another swanky awards ceremony to accept a prize. Oh, wait a minute, it’s Communists they blacklisted not rapists. Well, at least we know where Hollywood stands on its -ists.
In honor of World AIDS Day, I thought advocacy groups could us a new slogan to continue to raise public awareness. Over 33 million people are currently living with HIV, but the usual campaigns don’t seem to hit close to home with everyone like they should, very often because of intolerance or ignorance. So I’ve come up with a bit of marketing magic that really sells the point in black and white terms: “AIDS—It’s Not Just For Gay People Anymore!” I’m imagining bumper stickers and a whole line of underwear. But in lieu of donations to my cause, I hope you’ll consider giving a little something to utac.org or UNICEF. However you decide to raise awareness today, please don’t blow your W.A.D.
